Future-Ready Parenting

Should I support my kids if they want to go live on Mars?

Should I raise them to stay open to it, or would I prefer that they stay close to home?

With the speed at which our society is evolving, one of the toughest tasks parents face is preparing our kids for a world we scarcely comprehend ourselves.  How can we even begin to think about it?

If my dad could choose which role I’ll have to play in the military, he would absolutely go with fighter pilot. He told me so. I even tried but didn’t make the cut. After the military, when it was time to consider a degree (and profession), my dad wanted me to become a lawyer. This time I went along. I became a lawyer, only to learn that I hated it (maybe I’m just not the type to fly into situations just to start fighting with everyone).

Both times, my dad’s advice was motivated by the prestige he believed those paths would grant me. I’d imagine that’s quite normal. As a parent, you assess your kid’s potential futures, and make an educated guess where they’ll be better off. Hopefully, you’re not pushing them to be something they’re not, but simply guiding them as they figure out who they are for themselves.

As I’m on the brink of parenthood, I got to thinking whether a similar approach might also work for me as a dad. Some of you might find it surprising, but I would never wish for my kid to become a fighter pilot or a lawyer. It’s not that I resent my father’s advice. I just think that the world has changed in the last 20 years, at least a bit.

Today, many of my friends hold jobs their parents couldn't have dreamed of - simply because those roles didn’t exist at the time when they raised their kids. Think app developers, social media managers, or even dog walkers.

Funny enough, as I see the aspirations of many gen Zs, I already feel old for not wanting to become an influencer, an online creator, or a game streamer.

Staring down the thrilling uncertainty of parenting, I relate to Tim Urban’s sentiment:

“Every parent in history has brought their baby into a world with an uncertain future. But our future is the uncertainest. My baby might live a life a lot like mine, just a little more futuristic. Or she might live to 500. She might live most of her life with a brain-machine interface implanted in her head, thinking with her own superintelligent AI … She might live on Mars. She might meet aliens.”

This is wild to think about. The world is practically bursting at the seams with possibilities - longevity, AI brain implants, and weekend trips to Mars could be our kids’ reality.

The speed of change is dizzying, especially compared to the relatively static societies of our ancestors. In an agricultural community, what a 14-year-old boy knew about life and work would remain largely unchanged through his adulthood. Today, we cannot claim the same certainty. At the age of 86, my grandmother is still compelled to learn new things.

Trying to predict how an already uncertain future might surprise us is hard. But what can we do?

First, we can be humble and not try to game our kids’ lives based on our (most likely wrong) interpretation of reality. Second, we can settle on a set of principles that might endure even in the face of uncertainty. These principles can serve as guideposts we offer our kids as they chart their own path.

Emotional intelligence, decency, and kindness, as time-tested values, hold their ground as fundamental pillars, unshaken by the waves of technological progress. Yet with what we know about the world today, and how it might change, what additional new principles should we incorporate?

If the world is becoming less and less stationary, what values do you believe will be most critical?

Here are a few I’ve been contemplating: (let me know if you got any others)

Predictiveness. If changes are coming, let us get ahead of them. Critical thinking is something I was taught in law-school, but even there we were only encouraged to criticize texts based on what we already knew about the world. I think we should encourage our kids to think critically while also considering how the world might soon change. By asking more questions we can motivate our kids to make predictions (or small bets) over what might happen. Even when they’re wrong, they’ll be more likely to form a better understanding of reality.

Iterative Mindset. Anything our kids may pursue can be imagined as building blocks. But instead of one massive block, many smaller ones are optimal. This way, they can adjust and learn after each step. Tying ourselves to long-term plans might not be wise if those plans might take years to show value. Smaller steps help us keep pace with our ever-changing world. Let’s say a kid wants to become a Pokémon-cards-unboxing-youtuber (exciting no doubt), instead of viewing this as a pivotal yes/no decision, we can urge them to take the first step towards it and test the results (where do you start something like that?).

Adaptability. With the pace of change showing no signs of slowing, our kids will have to be comfortable with changes and the unknown. While a single profession with one or two life-long hobbies might sound desirable, it’s simply not very feasible.

Life-Long Learning. Learning doesn't stop at school - it's a never-ending pursuit. As new things pop up every day, keeping kids’ minds open and always ready to learn will be their superpower. School is always in session.

You might wonder how I plan to put these principles into action. Honestly, I'm still figuring that out. I believe we should first agree on the behaviors we value, and then we can work on ways to encourage them.

Embracing parenthood while seeing the future unfolds is an exciting journey. Should I even have a dream for my kid to become anything in particular? I think any dream I might have will be tainted by my own soon-to-be old-fashioned view of reality.

While a cliché - perhaps our only safe bet is to watch and listen to our kids, and digest their perspective into our own - maybe then we can genuinely dream of them becoming _________ (fill in the blank, or don’t, and stay open).